some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
