The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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