Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
