can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
