My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You don't make any sense
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