The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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