Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
