Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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