did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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