it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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