Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
