thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
