You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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