i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
