just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
