Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
