the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
