Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
