She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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