Can Purell be used as lube?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Randomize
