Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
