They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
