I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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