he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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