You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
