since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
