I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
