I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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