"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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