I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
