Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
