Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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