remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
