we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
