then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
