Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
