O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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