I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
