Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
