Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
