watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
