You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
