No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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