After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
His nipple licking is glorious
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
