We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
