She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
