Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
