dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
