we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
