I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
