This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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