I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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